I used to cut
myself on purpose
thinking it would
help
to get you
out of my system
but the scars
on my frail arms
only made it
worse,
reminding me
of the boy
who made me
feel a lot of
things by destroying
me and all that
I could be with
another guy


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES



Seen facebook messages, unreplied texts, missed calls, inconsistency, efforts that hang midair .. how often do we allow ourselves to settle in something that we know we never deserve?

All these attempts at trying to sweep me of off my feet were cute at first, it made me feel like maybe I wasn’t really that bad, that despite the flaws I see whenever I look at the mirror, didn’t know that some people could look past at that. But I don’t know, I just think that maybe I have so much love to give that it terrifies me to give it all to one person; thus making it hard for me to completely risk everything. But I did, didn’t I? Because I fucking gave you a second chance. Because I fucking LOVE YOU in my own fucked up ways. I wasn’t always the first person to text anyone, but you are an exception because I wanted things to work out between us. I wanted us to at least get a chance, a shot for a new, better relationship with you where we can say what we want or be whoever we want. But as I see all the seen messages, the opened text messages that you never paid attention to, it just shows how much you value my worth, which is close to the space between nothing and everything. You’re sweet today, and tomorrow, you’re cold. You tell me exactly the things I wanted to hear from you and yet the next hour, you’re flirting with another girl, Congratulations, you have managed to hurt me for the 12343 time! Are you happy? Do you want a punch in the face as a token for appreciation?


posted 3 weeks ago
#life  #love  #ugh  #rants  #personal  #blog  
@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES


"You’ve become so damaged that when someone tries to give you what you deserve, you have no fucking idea how to respond."  - (via sadfellow)


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES


I get all too depressive every god damn time. I don’t even know what do with my life anymore. My life has been such a roller coaster ride and even tho I try to hold on tight for as long as I can, I realized just how tiring it is especially when your self tells you the ride isn’t worth it anymore.


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES



@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES



I am a girl with complicated needs. I need books and time to read and I need a few friends and I need someone - not to take care of me but to care for me.


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES


I haven’t had the chance to write about what has been happening in my life (not that it’s worth-writing about) for the past few months. Christmas came and so did New Year and my 19th birthday too, and as much as I would like to tell that I have changed, the remains of my past, the person I have become, will probably stay for the longest time. I actually think that I have become more broken than ever, cuts and bruises surround my whole body and the spaces of the cracks in my soul are much harder to fill in except I am much more willing to take risk and understand the way of life. You fall, you get hurt but eventually, it’ll be okay in the end. Not that I settled on just going on with the flow, I guess it is safe to say that I am slowly learning to just let things fall into its place…


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES


I like to think that you probably got lost while trying to find a way to get to me. And along the way, you probably lost yourself too. Not that I’m on a rush, but sometimes, it gets tiring. The uncertainties of everything, the vagueness of the future that floods my brain once in a while.

But then, I also want you to take some time. I want you to be prepared when you see me, I want you to like what you’re gonna see. I hope that  you will understand my whole being, that I’m made of flaws and mistakes have molded me into someone today. I wish  you understand that I am a walking contradiction, a mess of thoughts and is composed of dismantled almosts.

I like to think that you probably got lost while trying to find a way to get to me. And along the way, you probably lost yourself too. Not that I’m on a rush, but sometimes, it gets tiring. The uncertainties of everything, the vagueness of the future that floods my brain once in a while.


But then, I also want you to take some time. I want you to be prepared when you see me, I want you to like what you’re gonna see. I hope that you will understand my whole being, that I’m made of flaws and mistakes have molded me into someone today. I wish you understand that I am a walking contradiction, a mess of thoughts and is composed of dismantled almosts.


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES



After this semester ends, I’ll probably just stay in my bed all day long and I’m going to fucking sleep till it hurts except not really because my brain will probably drift somewhere between ‘I hate my life’ and ‘What should book should I read next’ while being paranoid if I pass all my subjects or not wow huhhhuhuhuhu


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES



Sometimes, you think that no one has ever loved you. You have almost flippantly doubted it, even when someone was saying it to you. Even if they are saying it to you today. Because, though you wouldn’t like to admit it, you’re not terribly sure that you love yourself. You reject all of the simpering notions in beauty magazines and you learn to say nice things about yourself when you look in the mirror. If someone asked, you could provide an objective list of your qualities. But you’re not sure that “loving yourself” is something you ever really learned how to do.


@ MYSTICBLOODTHEMES